What's bringing me joy this winter

naming the good things makes them even better

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

I don’t know about you, but this winter, I’ve felt a little like a persistent, exhausted wildflower pushing up through a crack in the pavement. I know I don’t need to tell you what I mean. It's easy to succumb to the feeling that joy is somehow inappropriate, or even impossible, when there is so much heaviness and suffering around us. But as I look out my window and see the bright blue sky of Michigan’s first day of “fake spring,” when I look at my children, I am determined to hope for those small, persistent glimmers of green that are just below the muddy slush. Even if (when?) the snow returns, it will find me participating in what Emily P. Freeman calls, “the spiritual practice of naming the good things.”

Inspired by her and a few other podcasters and writers (namely Barbara Brown Taylor and Kendra Adachi), we name big and small things that are “saving our lives” lately, or my version of this trend: things that are bringing me joy in this season.

Last fall was the first time I did a podcast episode naming the things that bring me joy. I have to say, this practice felt a little easier back in October. What surprised me about it this week was how I felt a little jolt of energy with each joyful thing named, like I was strengthening my joy muscle, getting my reps in as a sort of resistance to the darkness that seems to be lurking all around.

And so, I want to inspire you to do the same, name the joy even when you don’t feel like it, because it helps. I’m including pictures and links for my joy items, and if you want to see the complete list of things I’m recommending on Amazon, that link is here.¹ Big, small, seemingly trivial: these things add up to something greater than the sum of their parts.

With each item I’m including some coaching questions to inspire you to move forward in joy’s direction, despite whatever obstacles might be in your way.

No.1: My bathrobe collection

Somehow I am the kind of person who ended up with three bathrobes. Two of them were gifts, because apparently I give off the vibes that I need to relax and wear a bathrobe! Here’s the thing: Each one of these bathrobes is a different weight and texture. One is a lightweight cotton, the middle weight one is a light fleece, and the last one is basically a snuggie, or a wearable blanket.

Does everyone need three bathrobes? Probably not. But I get so much joy at the end of the day when it is time to get comfy. I take a very hot bath with rose epsom salts from Whole Foods.² After a quick soak in a hot tub, I put on some clean jammies and a bathrobe of choice depending on the evening’s activities. If we are going to have a fire in the living room, I wear the cotton one; if we’ll be in the drafty patio to watch the sunset, I’ll wear the heavy one. And the comfort of these small things adds up to an evening ritual that helps me close the day with joy.

Coaching questions:

What is your relationship to comfort? How could you make yourself more comfortable?

At any time of day, what would it look like to nurture yourself, to feel cozy and comfortable? What do you need to make that a ritual? If it’s a bathrobe, I’ve got three choices for you.

No. 2: Kut from Kloth high waist wide leg jeans

Anyone else thoroughly confused about what pants to wear these days?

On my 41st birthday last December, I decided to take myself shopping for some jeans. Being a millennial, I am a skinny jeans loyalist. However, last year I started wondering what it would feel like to try some other styles. Nordstrom is always my go-to and I like asking the store clerks what they think I should wear. I brought my query to an unsuspecting woman behind the counter, I asked her to teach me her jean-wisdom. Suddenly, I heard a knock on my dressing room door, and she brought me what are now my most favorite pants. The Meg Patch pocket high waist wide leg jeans from Kut from Kloth are soft and comfy (this is starting to be a theme). They work for reasons I don’t really understand.

My jean coach at Nordstrom taught me that wearing different jeans also means considering different shoes and a different-shaped top. Maybe you’ve noticed that 99 percent of tops in stores nowadays are crop tops or at least fall higher on the waist. Not my favorite part of my body, but, here’s the thing (!), when you wear the shorter top with high-waisted jeans….they look great.

All this to say, I decided to ask for fashion help, and it turns out it made me feel more like myself. I wasn’t playing dress up. I unlocked a new way for clothes to help me express myself in color and style. And the crazy thing is that I resisted the wide leg pants trend for so long. I’m not really sure why. It has me wondering what else I may have written off. What ways was I keeping myself stuck in a rut, fashion or otherwise, just because I was afraid to change or lacked knowledge?

Coaching questions:

In what areas are you afraid to change? What is your relationship to trends, in fashion or elsewhere? What is one trend you’re curious about and open to trying without judgment?

No. 3: Traveling with my kids

For the longest time, there was a story I was telling myself about traveling with my kids. A true story. I had good reason to dread it. I’d look at families jet setting around the country or the world with the baby carrier and the homemade organic snacks, looking rested. Meanwhile, in the last seven years of my kids' lives, when we traveled, we had medical emergencies in the developing world, screaming toddlers on planes, potty training setbacks, and so much lost sleep I’m not sure I will ever recover. Yet, I love to travel. And I love my kids. There was this dissonance that I didn’t love traveling with my kids. The story was: traveling with my kids was more hard than it was fun.

I took two kids to MoMA in NYC! It was moderately successful!

A couple of months ago, we decided not to give up on being the family who traveled and so we set out on another adventure. This time, instead of dreading it and holding my breath until it was over, I decided to do a little work to rewrite the story. I thought about my kids and what they needed to succeed. More significantly, I thought about what I needed to succeed. We didn’t have a light double stroller, so I searched Facebook Marketplace and found one for $25. I knew we’d be sitting in airplanes and at tables in restaurants, so I found some little toys that I knew would occupy the kids, especially my son.

Eli calls these “magnet guys” and they got a workout on the trip. They’re now, perhaps, his all-time favorite toy.

I knew there would be difficult moments, and there were. But so far this year we’ve taken two trips³ and, I must say, I’m really proud of us. We made memories. The kids ate an inhuman amount of snacks— If that stroller could talk! Hey, I even enjoyed myself!

In the face of hard things, it’s easy to look at a challenge ahead and feel the stuckness, to believe a fixed and limited story. It was true that traveling with young children can be and is difficult, especially for us. And yet, children grow and change. There are very few things in life that don’t, actually. And, so, I found that asking the right questions of the challenge, instead of just taking it as a fixed outcome, was so helpful.

I’m not sure what you might be believing is impossible. Maybe it’s taking a trip with screaming sticky children, or maybe it’s learning new repertoire or taking the audition for that role you believe you could never play.

Coaching questions:

What would make a hard task easier? Who or what might help? What can you control despite the many things that you cannot change?

Don’t underestimate the power of small shifts. They add up.

No. 4: Creative Leap Mastermind

In December of last year I launched a new program I’d been dreaming about for years. It’s called the Creative Leap Mastermind, and the first cohort has been incredible. Six other creatives and I have been meeting multiple times per week to hold each other accountable and make progress toward a big project of our dreams. From finishing a memoir to creating a body of work for a visual art exhibition to clearing the clutter and getting organized, we have all made amazing progress. Walking so closely alongside these women brings me so much joy.

As an entrepreneur and artist, I am always balancing the free content with the paid offerings. I try hard to strike the right balance between supporting creatives with low-cost resources (like the Artists for Joy podcast, my creative clusters, this Substack content, etc.) with more involved and personalized (and more expensive!) offerings. It felt like a risky to go for this mastermind. I was so scared of branching out into something new. But now that I took my own leap, it is filling my cup in delightful and surprising ways.

If you’re also a creative entrepreneur, here’s an invitation to offer something new, even if you’re scared. It could be just the thing for a specific person to get the results they long for.

I am absolutely loving having the ability to pour into and serve these creatives. It gives me deep joy to help them troubleshoot things when they feel stuck in real time, and to celebrate the big and small wins of creating the things they’ve long dreamed of making.

Coaching questions:

Who can you serve more deeply? What desires do you have that feel risky? What would you do if you were not afraid of failing?

No. 5: My “Peace Be with You” playlist

I recently prepared to give a talk to a group of service-minded people here in Michigan. The research about the power of music astonished me. I knew a lot of this, but here’s the latest:

First, cognitively: Music is proven to bring:

• Improved memory and focus.

• Stress reduction and relaxation.

• Stimulation of creativity and problem-solving.

Studies have linked singing in a choir to reducing stress hormones and inflammation, increasing immune-boosting cytokines, and stimulating memory for people with dementia.⁴

Social/emotional:

• Strengthens social bonds through shared experiences.

• Enhances empathy and understanding of others.

• Promotes communication and collaboration skills.

• Builds community and reinforces cultural identity.

• Facilitates social interaction and engagement.

• Fosters cultural appreciation and respect.

As a classically trained musician myself, I love music. *types with clenched teeth.*

Yet, in this stage of my life, I often find myself reaching for silence over song.

One particular day I found myself in the car spinning into the anxiety spiral. I decided to go to Spotify and play the music that I know makes me feel like myself. And as I calmed down, I decided to make a playlist of some of these tunes, in case you need music. Be warned: it’s eclectic 😅. It’s also fairly Christian, so this one may not be your jam if that’s not your vibe right now. Whether you borrow mine or not, I encourage you to make a “Peace be with you” playlist of your own. Let music work its wonder on you. I dare you!

Coaching questions:

When you need peace, does silence or music help more? What kind of music brings you joy?

No. 6: The breath prayer (words of St. Julian of Norwich):

“All shall be well, all shall be well, all manner of things shall be well.”

Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash

Julian of Norwich, medieval mystic and theologian, experienced visions of what she called “Divine Love” as she suffered and nearly died from the Black Death. My husband Edwin has been working on his doctorate through a program for which he gets to be in residence a few times per year at Cambridge in England. Last year, he traveled to Norwich, where St. Julian’s church and the Norwich Cathedral honor and remember her. When he told me about it, I was intrigued.

Within her visions, Julian received a symbolic image of a hazelnut that she held in her hand. She had awareness that this small nut represented all of creation. Amazed that it could exist, as she held it she understood that it was kept in existence by God's love. The hazelnut symbolized the idea that God loves and sustains all of creation, no matter how small or insignificant it may seem. She heard the voice of Jesus say, “All shall be well and all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well.”

I’ve been saying these words to myself a lot these days as I hold onto hope. I’m actively choosing to see our world as Jesus did, a hazelnut, small but loved, and bursting with expansion potential.⁵

Life feels overwhelming. It seemed frivolous to name what is bringing me joy, because so many things do not seem well at all, actually. But the tense of Jesus’ verb is that it SHALL be. It may not be now, we may seem rather lost now, but all shall be well.

And it’s repeated not once, not twice, but three times, almost like he was anticipating her push back.

I imagine their conversation going like this:

Julian: All things? Really?

Jesus: All shall be well.

Julian: Are you sure?

Jesus: All shall be well.

Julian: But…like…everything?

Jesus: All manner of things shall be well.

I am holding onto these words this winter as I watch the days get longer and I dare to dream of a more just world.

I won’t sit around and wait for it to come. I’ll keep caring even when I’m overwhelmed. I’ll keep serving even when I’m weary.

I’ll keep creating. I hope you will too.

Because with each work of art or well-crafted sentence or elegant movement or beautiful musical phrase, we go about healing the little hazelnut we and our Maker love so much.

Creating is the most loving thing we do. It is hoping with your hands.⁶

Coaching questions:

How can you hope with your hands? Creativity is one resource for hope and healing. What are others?

What if “all shall be well?” How would that change your actions now?

My favorite St. Julian of Norwich Icon by Kara Gillete

I hope this list inspires you to make your own, to find time to name and delight in the good things. It helps, friends.

What is bringing you joy this winter?

I’d love to hear about it in the comments.

1. The Amazon links are affiliate, so I make a few cents if you purchase.

2. I recently learned that the magnesium in epsom salts promotes sleep, releases soreness, and can improve mood.

3. I wrote about one in this post

4. Washington Post, June 2023 🤯

5. I even attempted to get hold of a real one, but they didn't have any at Kroger, but I’m going to keep looking!

6. If you like this sentiment, check out this Substack post I wrote about it.